


Never Know This Shame

by zzegnas



Series: Working For The Skin Trade [7]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Play, F/M, Genderswap, Porn With Plot, Smut, girl!Niall, paid sex, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 20:19:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7771771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzegnas/pseuds/zzegnas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“You have to tell Bressie. There has to be a way for him to fix this. If he didn’t care about you, you would’ve left his agency ages ago! You have to tell him. Let him help you, Harry.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How could I have been so stupid?” Harry shuts his eyes, sinking to the floor. Niall holds him close, the feeling of his entire body shaking against hers a memory she’ll never forget.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m so scared. I’m so fucking scared and I don’t know what to do.”</em>
</p><p>—<br/>On her last date with Harry, Niall decides to change things up before the day begins. Things go south when a shocking turn of events sends both herself and Harry into a frenzy of feelings and emotional doubt for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Know This Shame

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to the final story of the Skin Trade series! Thank you to the few of you that genuinely enjoyed these stories. I never intended for this to be a wip at all, so the ending is either going to be A) fulfilling or B) disappointing for some folks... my bad...
> 
> (If you followed the timeline of the last story, this takes place the following weekend after Niall's date with Liam and Louis.)
> 
> Just a side note: About two years ago, I received an anonymous message from someone requesting a scene with anal sex between Harry and Niall, since—in their words—there weren't too many het stories that incorporated it. So anon, if you're still out there after all this time waiting for your scene, I hope I did your request some justice (even if it took two years...) <3
> 
> —  
> Title from '[The Way I Do](https://youtu.be/zMixa5uzZ9A)' by Bishop Briggs

A light knocking on Niall’s door at eight in the morning welcomes none other than Harry into her penthouse. Both are already dressed and ready to go for their final date, but Niall never made it clear when she needed to to appear at her company’s new product launch brunch celebration. She grabs Harry by the lapel of his suit jacket, his hands placed on her hips as they walk backward into the living room. Niall makes the first move, bringing Harry low enough for him to give her a soft kiss.  
  
“Wish all my mornings were like this,” Harry laughs, biting his lip. “Tell me again why we’re doing this so early?”  
  
“It's a work thing, but really, I just wanted to show you off again.” Harry’s hands make their way to the hem of Niall’s sundress, lifting it slightly to touch her legs. “If you get on your knees, I’ve got something you might like.”  
  
Harry raises a brow and moves his hands even higher, bites his lip when he realizes Niall’s not wearing any underwear. Leaning down to kiss the crook of her neck, his hands roam up and down the curves of Niall’s ass, squeezing a handful every time she moans. Harry places the heel of his palm on the small of Niall’s back, lets his fingers slide down to Niall’s hole, and stops abruptly, backing away in surprise. He turns Niall around and bends her over. He gets to his knees, lifting her dress to find a large diamond plug between her cheeks.  
  
“D’you like it?” Niall asks, looking over her shoulder.  
  
“This is wildly inappropriate for eight in the morning, Miss Niall,” he says with an impressed laugh. Harry tugs on the bejeweled plug, plays with it to hear Niall letting out little yelps of pleasure while he licks at her folds. “You accessorized just for me?” Niall moans in response, gasps even louder when Harry inserts the plug in and out of her. “And you wonder why I like you so much."  
  
Niall turns around, pushes Harry hard enough to fall back on the floor. She immediately straddles his waist, holds his hands down while rutting her hips against his. “I don’t do small talk in the morning, Harry,” she growls, rutting even harder when she feels Harry’s erection against her cunt. Harry lets out a loud gasp, shuts his eyes from the sensation. Niall lets go of him, reaches down to unbuckle Harry’s pants and free his now hardened cock. Niall teases herself with the tip and Harry knocks his head back onto the floor, restraining his groans behind his bared teeth.  
  
“The driver won’t be here for another six minutes,” she whispers. Niall lifts her hips, slowly strokes Harry with her hand a few times before she sinks down on his cock, both letting out the loudest of moans. “Show me what you can do in three.”  
  
—  
  
_A toast to Sirena Cosmetics! Congratulations on your newest campaign!_  
  
At a rooftop restaurant, a small gathering of executives and makeup artists cheer for Ranya, a higher executive of the company that Niall has only met a handful of times. The crowd raises their glasses and clink them with whoever is around before downing their mimosas. Niall only drinks from her glass of water, preferring to stay sober and hydrated after her quick session with Harry. He stands behind her with his arms around her waist, using every opportunity to kiss the skin behind her ear when no one’s looking.  
  
“I’ll go get us some food, don’t move a muscle,” Harry says before he heads to the food tables. Several people do a double take of Harry when he passes them, and Niall’s thankful neither Analeigh nor Regan are there to tease her about it.  
  
Midway through the celebration, Niall makes the rounds with Harry close by, schmoozing as she’s been trained to do since she began working in sales. Only a few recognize Harry as Gemma’s brother, though Niall can’t help but laugh at the number of people that blatantly flirt with him in front of her. She’s hardly jealous and it doesn’t matter, considering he’ll be going home with her at the end of the day.  
  
Niall finally gets a chance to chat with a fairly tipsy Ranya, though the conversation leads nowhere when she frequently mentions the amount of pulp in her mimosa. From the corner of Niall’s eye, she spots someone she doesn’t recognize pulling Harry aside. The woman shows him her phone, insistently pointing at something that raises a red flag for Niall. Harry fervently shakes his head and holds his hands out, backing away while the woman displays some kind of sympathy for him. He takes off and Niall excuses herself from Ranya to run after him, following him to the other side of the rooftop in an enclosed area.  
  
Reaching him, Niall keeps her distance, watching as Harry brandishes an inhaler from his suit jacket. He takes three pumps for his medication, bringing him extra relief after a few moments. Niall approaches him slowly, her heart beating fast when she puts a hand to his shoulder. His entire body is trembling and it frightens her.  
  
“Harry, are you okay?” she asks softly. “What did that woman say to you?”  
  
Harry turns to face her, eyes glassy from the tears welling up. “We have to go. We can’t stay here.” Niall tries to protest, but Harry grabs her by the shoulders, forcefully shaking her. “Something bad has happened, do you understand!? We have to get out of here, I can’t be seen anymore!”  
  
“Wait!” Niall yelps as Harry forcefully drags her out of the restaurant. They reach the elevators and Niall pulls her arm away from his grip, the red marks left on her skin enough to make her angry. “What’s gotten into you!?” she yells, hitting his shoulder with a fist. “Don’t you dare touch me like that again!”  
  
Harry presses the heel of his palms to his eyes, letting out a sob. Niall’s startled when Harry punches the wall behind him, leaving a large indent. Harry punches it again and Niall pulls him away, dragging him to the end of the hall to avoid making a scene. Harry takes several deep breaths and sinks into a chair, looking right up at Niall with wide eyes.  
  
“You know the code of conduct better than anyone else, don't you?” Harry’s voice trembles. “Tell me Section 8, Paragraph 5.7.”  
  
“What? You’re not making any—”  
  
“Just! Tell me!”  
  
Niall’s startled, but presses her fingers to her temples, thinking quickly. “Photographic consent, right? Both parties are prohibited from filming or photography to protect their identities?” Harry nods his head, shutting his eyes to keep his tears at bay. “Oh no,” Niall gasps, “oh god, I’m so sorry! I swear I never filmed anything, I’ve followed all the rules, right down to the very—”  
  
“It wasn’t you, I know it wasn’t,” Harry interrupts. He hangs his head and rubs his hands over his knees. “The woman who spoke to me, one of her friends was my date the other night. Hanne was her name. Older lady, recently separated from her husband and wanted some fun. And I said no big deal, of course I’ll do it. She had me for two hours, standard time for all the dates I have. But the entire time… I couldn’t help but notice she kept looking over her shoulder or in other places of her bedroom. I thought it was weird, but I didn’t say anything ‘cause she was enjoying herself until we were all done.”  
  
“And the woman? What did she say to you?”  
  
Harry takes out his phone, taps a few things, and hands it to Niall. It’s an Instagram video from Hanne's own profile, a little dim and grainy, but otherwise in high quality. She hears someone moaning, someone saying Harry’s name. The video cuts to a clearer angle, and Niall realizes what’s happening. It’s Harry kneeling down, fingers inside of a writhing Hanne with his head between her legs. Niall can see Harry in clear view, every angle of his face, even to the slope of his nose. The video goes on, showing Harry fucking Hanne as hard as he can until she’s shaking all over, begging Harry to keep going and going. Niall scrolls down, her gut sinking at the seven thousand views it’s garnered. The comments either congratulate Hanne on her sexual conquest or call her out, along with an equal amount of remarks from people that demand to know who the young man might be and how they can get with him.  
  
“ _Best night ever!_ ” Niall reads the video’s caption. “ _Wasn’t supposed to post this, but I had to let everyone know how amazing Harry was! Haven’t been fucked this good in years and he made me come sooo many times! Never underestimate my orgasmic powers hahaha!_ ”  
  
Niall tosses the phone away. She feels like throwing up. If she had no self control, she'd storm out of the place at this very second, track down Hanne herself and give her a hard right hook to the jaw. Instead, Niall kneels in front of Harry, taking his shaking hands into hers. Harry rests his forehead against Niall’s, taking in short breaths. Niall moves her hands up to Harry’s face, cupping each side and using her thumbs to wipe his tears. She wants so bad to kiss him, but she refrains, just holds him because she knows he needs it.  
  
“Everything I have, I can lose in one second,” he says shakily. “This isn’t what I wanted. I just wanted to make her feel good and get paid for doing my job. Why would she do this knowing what would happen!? I shouldn’t have accepted the job, I should have refused,” he sobs behind his hands. “I guess this is what I get for being a whore, right? People can treat me any way they want because I fuck them for money? And if I get in trouble it’s my fault ‘cause I’m asking for it?”  
  
“Stop it! That is enough, Harry! You’re not any of those things! Don’t listen to them, don’t you dare let these people make you think so low of yourself!” Niall sternly tells him, but Harry persists, telling her the most disgusting names she never knew anyone could call him. How could anyone treat him with such utter disgust when he's nothing but kind and courteous to everyone around him?  
  
“I never gave her permission, she knew the rules,” he sobs. “It’s her word against mine and I know I won't win.”  
  
“You have to tell Bressie,” she insists, and Harry goes still. “There has to be a way for him to fix this. If he didn’t care about you, you would’ve left his agency ages ago! You _have_ to tell him. Let him help you, Harry.”  
  
“How could I have been so stupid?” Harry shuts his eyes, sinking to the floor. Niall holds him close, the feeling of his entire body shaking against hers a memory she’ll never forget.  
  
“I’m so scared. I’m so fucking scared and I don’t know what to do.”  
  
—  
  
_I, Niall Horan, do hereby agree to immunity unless subpoenaed and must testify by the court of law._  
  
Niall stares intently at the document in front of her. She grabs the pen to her left, signing what will legally protect her should Harry take his case to court. Just hours before, Bressie and two of his lawyers had picked up Harry from Niall’s place, whisking him away before Bressie himself had come back with one of his many new confidentiality agreements. He’d taken care of things like Niall had hoped, though she could care less about what happens to her. All she cares about is Harry, her feelings sending her in a tailspin of what’s real and what isn’t.  
  
But above that, she wants an explanation of Hanne’s actions. She demands to know why Hanne was so careless, why she couldn’t abide by the rules when everyone else had done so, especially when the agency is all about discretion. But all Niall can think about is the consequences. She thinks of Gemma, how devastated she’d be if she found out about her brother’s double life. She thinks of Harry’s family, wondering if they’d throw him out on the street and disown him for his line of work. She thinks of all the things that could be going through Harry’s head, just how fast his world came crashing down in a span of less than an hour. She wants to know how he’s feeling now and asks Bressie, who can only answer around her questions.  
  
“I have to protect my employees, Miss Horan. Something like this hasn’t happened in over ten years, but I did what I had to do.”  
  
“You’ve sent him away. I figured you would.”  
  
“I instructed him to lay low and stay with someone he trusts,” Bressie explains. “Ten years ago, nobody could have known about this. It wouldn’t have spread as fast as it did. But now—it’s like I have to have my guys under constant surveillance. Even if a client takes a picture with them on a job, I need to have a warrant on lock just to physically delete the picture from their phone. Thankfully all they’ve found out about Harry is just his name and nothing else. If his number or address were posted, who knows what I would have done. Something harsher, I suppose.”  
  
“And who would have it worse, Bressie—you or Harry? Does any of this ensure his safety? What you made me sign is just a piece of paper, it means nothing! I need to know if he’ll be okay!”  
  
“Harry is safe, but it’s Hanne I have to deal with,” he explains, calm in tone. “She endangered my employee and I will not go down without a fight. She knew the rules, she signed the contract, and yet she blatantly threw it out the window the very second she posted that video. That’s not fair to me, to Harry, or to any of his clients.” Bressie paces around the kitchen, doing a series of breathing exercises to keep himself from having an outburst. “I know it was hard seeing him so vulnerable, but who knows if he’ll come back once this all blows over. It’s ultimately his decision, but we have to go on like nothing happened. Business is business. The other boys will have to take over for him.”  
  
Whether or not Bressie says it, he’s asking her to forget about Harry. Forget about the dates, the sex, and all of the things in between that she wasn’t supposed to know about him. But the one thing Niall can keep for herself is Klint  & Pivos. The memory is still so fresh in her mind, being blindfolded with her hands tied above her head, the ocean breeze passing through the open windows of her room while Harry fucked her hard and slow like he’d never done before. The thought of it keeps her silent and stoic in expression, a simple nod in Bressie’s direction lets him know she understands everything.  
  
“If you want nothing to do with me or my agency again, I understand,” Bressie says as he’s leaving. “And after this, nothing will be the same. For you or for Harry.”  
  
Niall quietly shuts the door, leans her forehead against it and closes her eyes. Her heart aches and pounds loudly against her chest, tears unexpectedly streaming down her face. If she could hold Harry right now, she would.  
  
—  
  
The rest of the evening is nothing but white noise. Niall sits on the roof of her apartment building, keeping warm in a cardigan, and looking up into the night sky. It’s clear and dotted with hints of the stars, some shining brighter than others between the buildings that surround her. The blaring honk of a car horn from below distracts her from her thoughts, making her stand to look over the edge. She follows a red car that pulls up to the valet, its brakes coming to a screeching halt just as she turns to go back into her penthouse.  
  
She takes her time to go down the stairs, still feeling numb over what happened hours before. She’s spent the entire time trying to forget, but the look of fear in Harry’s face lingers in her mind, wishing she had never seen it. It’s caused her to slow down, caused her not to eat, drink, or even think coherently. The anxiety that continually rises and falls in her stomach only makes her sicker.  
  
Walking down the hallway back to her place, the lights are dimmer than usual, almost to a soft orange than the usual bright white. They start to flicker as she reaches her door, and burns out just as the elevator across the way loudly dings open. The lights are just as dim in there, though Niall doesn’t see anyone inside until a familiar silhouette comes into view.  
  
“Harry?”  
  
A pair of footsteps rush to her and Harry falls right into Niall’s arms. They kiss until the lights flicker back on, and Niall can see finally see him clearly. Although Harry’s eyes are still slightly red and puffy, he smiles, genuinely happy to see her. She doesn’t know what to say, so she kisses him again, holds him as tightly as he’s holding her as they back into her place and shut the door.  
  
“I’m so glad you’re okay, I knew you would be,” Niall finally breathes out in relief.  
  
“I had to come back, I was worried about you.”  
  
“You're something else saying that to me,” she shakes her head, smiling. “Bressie told me you were going to stay somewhere safe, how could you think to come here first? Harry, seven thousand people saw what you—”  
  
“It doesn’t matter, none of them do,” Harry interrupts her. He takes a moment, cups Niall’s face and looks into her eyes. “This is where I need to be right now. With you.”  
  
Niall’s heart races. “Why, Harry? Why do you always choose me of all people?”  
  
“Because I – I’m in—I’ve always—” Harry stays quiet, too hesitant to continue. Niall feels a pang in her chest. She thinks he knows what he meant to say, but hearing it now would hurt both of them too much. “You’re the only person I could think of. Please believe me.”  
  
“Are you only here because of what happened or—” Niall swallows hard, almost afraid. “Or are you here because you need _me_?”  
  
Harry looks at her, completely surprised. “I need _you_.”  
  
Harry kisses her and she melts into his touch in a way she hasn’t done in years. So few of the people she’s been with could ever make her feel this good, make her feel worthy and _wanted_ the way Harry does. She wants him to feel the same, hopes she can make him forget about the last few hours that seemed like hell. Niall puts a hand to his chest, her heart swarming with emotions and things she can’t express. Maybe it’s the heat of the moment. Maybe she’s convincing herself Harry means what he says, even if it’s his job to fulfill the fantasies of numerous women with large bank accounts.  
  
Maybe their night in Klint  & Pivos really did change everything, but all she can say to him now is, “Please don’t lie to me.”  
  
“I never have.”  
  
Niall kisses him hard, lets Harry pick her up and bring her to the bedroom. Harry gently lays Niall down and removes her clothes, kissing her from her lips, over her neck and chest, all the way down between her legs. He comes back up and Niall rolls him over so she’s on top, undressing him as quickly as he did with her. She turns around to suck him off and Harry brings her down to fuck his tongue into her, his thumb brushing against her still sensitive hole that has her moaning out loud. Harry slowly inserts his index finger, the familiar but excitable sensation leaving Niall to tremble uncontrollably the deeper he pushes his finger in and out of her.  
  
Niall’s so close to coming when Harry inserts two fingers, but stops him in time to get control of her breathing. She turns back around to face him, lowers herself to where Harry’s cock is lying flat against his stomach, and slides it between her folds. Harry nearly chokes on the breath he takes, gasping from the slick of Niall’s cunt against his cock. His eyes roll to the back of his head and Niall reaches for him, steadying herself as she sinks down to fill her up.  
  
Niall rides him long and slow, each thrust of Harry’s hips making her cry out louder and louder each time. Harry grips at Niall’s waist and she rocks her hips, going faster until she seizes up, her entire body shaking as she comes down from her orgasm. It takes her a moment to recover, laughing breathlessly as she leans down to kiss Harry. He carefully flips her onto her back and fucks her again, fucks her the way he did in Klint & Pivos until she comes even harder the second time around.  
  
Harry pulls out and kneels down, letting his tongue lap up what he can get from Niall’s overstimulated cunt. She slowly rolls onto her stomach, lifting her hips for Harry. He places several of her pillows in the space underneath her, making sure she’s comfortable while giving him full access. Harry teases Niall’s hole, spreading her cheeks to insert a finger, slowly pushing in and out before he inserts another, knows Niall is ready when she moans helplessly into the mattress. She takes a deep breath, shuts her eyes when Harry slowly pushes the tip of his cock inside of her. Harry gently eases his way in and Niall grips hard at the sheets, can feel her body quivering the further he pushes into her.  
  
“Am I hurting you? Do you want me to stop?”  
  
“No, keep going, I want you to,” Niall insists, “please don’t stop.”  
  
Harry nods and takes his time, the sensation of how tight Niall feels nearly makes him come on the spot. But he holds back, knows he can’t just finish and leave Niall unsatisfied. They start slow, eventually going at a steady pace while Harry rubs at Niall’s clit from behind, gasping with stars in her eyes. Harry’s moans become low and hoarse, and Niall makes him forget about the rules, makes him forget about everything they’re not supposed to do when it’s strictly business. Harry thrusts a few more times and cries out, his body trembling against Niall’s when he comes inside of her.  
  
“ _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry_ ,” Harry whispers over and over, but he doesn’t need to apologize.  
  
Not much is said between them after. Harry helps Niall clean up in the shower, making sure she’s rid of every last drop. She thinks Harry will leave, but he follows her into bed instead, snuggles against her with his arm draped over her waist. Harry nuzzles his nose against the back of Niall’s neck, leaving small kisses along her back and shoulders. He moves his hand to her hip, using the pads of his fingers to draw circles along her bare skin. Niall can’t help but fall into a trance, wondering if this is what it feels like to be with the real Harry, hoping she can have this until he leaves in the morning.  
  
“What happens now?” Niall asks softly.  
  
“I disappear,” Harry answers, saddened. “Lay low, change my name. Pretend I’m not scared.”  
  
Niall nods, accepting his answer. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t. She links her hand with his, placing it just over her breasts. She wants him to feel the rhythm of her heartbeat, how unsteady it sounds now that their night will soon be over.  
  
“Come with me.”  
  
Niall slowly looks over her shoulder. They’re in complete darkness, but she knows Harry is looking back at her. Instead of answering him, she turns over and kisses him softly. Niall can feel the way Harry won't kiss her back, knows her lack of an answer isn’t the one he wanted to hear. She’d do anything to say yes if she could.  
  
“I’ll still be here, whether or not you come back,” Niall tells him truthfully. “I promise.”

—  
  
Harry is gone when Niall wakes up hours later, finds his side of the bed made and completely pristine. She already knew he'd be gone, but she still hopes to find him lazing around in her living room, her heart sinking to see not a single trace of him, even when she calls his name. Wandering into the kitchen, she immediately notices a small white box on the counter. She opens it to find a black conch shell bracelet encased in clear acrylic, similar to the necklace she often wore, along with a handwritten note that leaves her in tears.  
  
_I meant to give this to you in Klint & Pivos, but I was too scared. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. But that doesn’t matter anymore, not after last night. It meant everything to me to be with you. Anything you want, if you ever need me, just ask. I’m yours. — H_  
  
—  
  
**Three Months Later**  
  
“Niall! Oh my god, oh my god!”  
  
Analeigh and Regan run into Niall’s office, squealing in excitement. They begin reorganizing Niall’s desk to her confusion, pushing papers aside for an open space next her computer monitor. “What in the world are you two doing?” Niall asks, annoyed. She’s in the middle of planning another trip for the company, possibly to the island of Crete for the next product launch. It’s going to be their best trip yet, though their time at the Amalfi Coast was definitely a highlight of the summer.  
  
“Can either of you tell me what’s going on? Why did you touch my desk! I had important papers on there—”  
  
“Oh, just stop thinking about work for one second, will you!” Analeigh scoffs, peeking her head out of the door. “There’s more important things to think about!”  
  
“Like what? I’m trying to plan things out for Gianna and you’re messing up my office!”  
  
“Forget the office, you’ve got _flowers_ ,” Regan giggles behind a hand. “Ana and I saw a flower delivery van when we were coming back from lunch. The guy carrying it said it was _for you_ , and I swear on all that is good on this Earth, it’s the most beautiful sight you’ll ever see!”  
  
Niall stares at them, still confused. “But who’s sending me flowers in the middle of August? My birthday isn’t until September!”  
  
“Here he comes! Shh!”  
  
The two girls straighten up and smile, welcoming the delivery man into the office. Nearly everyone in the cubicles outside stands up to see the view and Niall’s stunned by the bouquet. It’s a beautiful display of white roses and cascading orchids, little hints of baby’s breath throughout that fall onto Niall’s desk when it’s set down. It’s certainly beautiful, the most breathtaking presentation she's seen, but she can only wonder how she’ll get it home without it making a mess in her car.  
  
“Good afternoon! I have a special delivery here for a Miss Niall Horan.”  
  
“Who is it from, do you know?” Analeigh asks excitedly.  
  
“I normally would have an answer, but the gentleman on the phone asked to remain anonymous,” he replies. “But there’s a card attached if you want to read it? Might give you a clue if that helps.”  
  
Niall’s too stunned to move, too overwhelmed by the size of the bouquet to even register the girls are speaking to her. The delivery man leaves and Regan plucks the card from its holder, handing it over to Niall. She reads the note and looks up, feeling flush and blinking with widened eyes.  
  
“So? Who is it from?” they ask.  
  
“You need to go, both of you,” Niall commands, disappointing her coworkers. She quickly escorts them out, telling them to come back in half an hour. She closes the door in their faces and locks it, refusing to open it despite Analeigh and Regan’s furious knocking to be let back in. Niall walks back to the bouquet, inhaling the fresh scent with a satisfied sigh. She reads the note again, her heart fluttering as she smiles tearfully.  
  
_Miss Niall,_  
_Have you ever been to a place so beautiful where the mountains stretch for miles and the water runs so clear you can see the Earth? The stars are so bright at night that I sometimes think I can see another galaxy from my bedroom window. I’m in paradise and I wish you were here with me. We could make it just like Klint & Pivos._  
_— Yours, H_  
  
—  
  
Niall’s been to plenty of parties. Parties in mansions, castles, haunted houses, and even on hot air balloons. But she’s more than happy to be on land, and attending a birthday party of a beauty vlogger named Naia, celebrating her twenty-seventh year in style with a red carpet, paparazzi-style photographers, and svelte waiters wearing nothing but bow ties and an apron to cover their merchandise. Like every party Niall attends, she makes her rounds saying hello to people she recognizes, engaging in small talk and taking numerous photos before the place gets too crowded for her liking.  
  
Making her way into the dining area, she runs into Gemma, both of them excitedly greeting each other. They play catch up and eat at the same time, and marvel at the tower of cupcakes that enters the room. A crowd rushes towards the display, but Niall steps back, waiting for everyone to leave to avoid the panic building up in her chest. Thankfully, Gemma had done all the work, coming right back to Niall with a plate full of chocolate and red velvet cupcakes for them to share.  
  
“Y’know, my brother’s been asking about you a lot lately, more than he usually does,” Gemma mentions nonchalantly. Niall offers her a sheepish glance. “He comes home to visit after weeks of zero communication and the first thing he asks is if I’ve spoken to you and how you’re doing. I didn't know how to answer him so I just laughed.”  
  
“Oh? Really? Why would he ask you that?” she says innocently. Her heart flutters, feeling relieved Harry is still okay. “Work's been taking up all of my time, I hardly have anything interesting going for me.”  
  
Gemma snorts. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Niall. My brother is not that difficult to read. He can’t ever keep a secret and I already know what’s going on between you two.”  
  
“Wha— _you do?_ ”  
  
“Kind of obvious, isn’t it? Harry’s clearly got a crush on you, I can see it from a mile away,” Gemma shakes her head and Niall bursts with nervous laughter. “I mean, I kinda figured it out when we were in Klint & Pivos. He kept asking me about you, how he could talk to you and when he’d get to see you again. I’ll be honest, I thought it was weird at first ‘cause we’re friends, but I got over it pretty quickly. You've been nothing but kind to me and you're the sweetest person ever, so I get why Harry would be… _in love_ , know what I mean? Obviously not like, _in love-in love_ , but he really likes you. A lot.”  
  
Niall smiles bashfully, then stuffs a cupcake into her mouth. “How is Harry, anyway?" she mumbles. "I haven’t heard from him in a while. Tell him I said hi when you get a chance.”  
  
Gemma looks past Niall’s shoulder and chuckles. “You can do it yourself, he’s standing by the aquarium.”  
  
Niall immediately turns around. A tall figure stands by the blue aquarium with his hands behind his back, wearing black jeans and a patterned shirt. It can’t be Harry. His hair is cropped short along the sides of his head, the top left long enough to style. Her Harry had long, luscious curls she could play with for days. She doesn’t recognize this person at all. Maybe Gemma’s playing tricks on her.  
  
Niall approaches the figure slowly, her heart racing with every step she’s closer to him. It’s Harry, all right. But a different version than the one she knows. She can see his reflection against the glass, swallows hard from the anxiety rising in her stomach. Harry looks good, maybe even better with shorter hair. Niall never imagined such a drastic change in his appearance, but she’s liking what she sees and hopes Harry won’t turn her away.  
  
“There’s something calming about aquariums,” he says calmly. “It’s almost hypnotic, watching these fishes swimming around. The only problem is, I still feel like I’m going to have a panic attack at any given second.”  
  
Niall casts a glance at him. The Harry standing beside her is stoic and blank, his features on full display now that his signature locks were gone. She tries to find a trace of the old Harry she once knew. She knows he’s still there, knows his playful energy is buried deep inside of his careful demeanor. But she can’t blame him for changing. Bressie had warned her about it, yet she feels every bit of foolish to think Harry could stay the same.  
  
“I get those, too,” she replies. “If a room gets too crowded my heart starts beating too fast and I can’t breathe. My head starts to spin and I feel like I’m going to faint sometimes. It’s been like this since high school and the farthest I've gotten to controlling it is running away the second it hits me.”  
  
Harry makes a noise, Niall catches him biting his lips. “That’s what it’s felt like since I left. Waking up in the middle of the night, panicking over anything and everything. It’d scare me so much that I was too afraid to leave my room. Sometimes my chest would tighten and my back would be so sore that I honestly felt I was having a heart attack. I don't get them as much now since I've been away, but I know it's there, waiting for the right second to just creep up on me.”  
  
Niall takes a deep breath, exhales softly to keep herself steady. It hits too close to home, knowing every emotion that Harry’s going through. She can remember almost every panic attack she’s had, right down to her very first one in her senior year of high school, but none of them could ever compare to Harry’s situation. So she stays quiet, grips the bottom of her clutch, and watches a small school of fish swimming in formation.  
  
“I need to go,” Harry says quietly.  
  
Niall turns away, hurt. “I’ll be on my way, then.”  
  
“ _Niall_.” She’s taken aback, not only by Harry saying her name, but realizing the tone of his voice meant, _Let’s go somewhere private._ He holds his hand out to her, desperate for her to follow him. “I need you.”  
  
—  
  
They head to a quiet balcony and Harry brings Niall up to speed, telling her where he’s been and what he’s been doing since he left town. He’d taken the train to visit a friend up North, stayed for a few days before deciding to come back home. A delay in his trip sent him to an impromptu stay at a bed and breakfast near a ski resort in Mount Soldati, owned by an elderly couple named Mr. and Mrs. Sandro, who welcomed him with open arms. He tells Niall he’d grown to love the area, fell in love with the mountainside and the old mansion that truly felt like home he belonged to for the first time in years. His prolonged stay eventually led to him asking for work as a helper, so long as he had room and board. Harry reveals things he’d never told Niall before, doesn’t need to wonder if any of them are true or not. A glimmer of the old Harry she once knew is coming back to her, though she likes the new Harry that’s emerged; still playful, yet reserved.  
  
“You should’ve seen the look on their faces when I told Mr. and Mrs. Sandro I could work for free,” Harry laughs. “They insisted on paying me, but I refused to take it from them. I mean, the mansion’s not in the best shape and it could use some work, but lots of people adore the place, and they deserve every penny they get.”  
  
Niall recalls the bouquet of flowers Harry had sent her, the note that depicted a picturesque place where they could get away. She easily pictures Harry working around the grounds, staring at him in wonder as she imagines him shirtless and chopping firewood for the cold nights on the mountains. Her thoughts take her to that mansion, takes her to a room where she welcomes Harry to her bed in the dead of night, both staying as quiet as possible so no one else hears their cries of pleasure.  
  
“Before I left here, I couldn’t fathom being somewhere unfamiliar. I got so used to my life with the agency that hiding out and having a normal job terrified me,” Harry explains, sniffling a little. “But I had a lot of time to myself at the mansion. If I wasn’t fixing something or helping around the house, I was in my room reading or writing things down in a journal, whatever thoughts I could get out so I wouldn’t think about it all the time.”  
  
“Good thoughts or bad?”  
  
“Mostly good. The bad thoughts, I took it out on something else,” he replies shakily then clears his throat. “I, um, I-I thought about you a lot,” he stutters. This takes Niall by surprise, though she keeps it to herself. “I was mostly hoping you were okay and I – I really – I – never mind.”  
  
She knows what he means to say, so she does it herself. “I know, Harry. I missed you, too. You were all I could think about sometimes when it got too quiet.” He lets out a soft laugh, runs his hands through his newly shorn hair. Niall smiles fondly at him then asks, “What made you come back?”

"You," he answers. Niall's heart could burst. "Gemma knew you'd be invited, so she brought me along, knowing we'd meet. She thinks she's clever, saying I can't keep a secret about my crush on you," he chuckles, amused. "But I also came back because of Bressie. He said he wouldn’t contact me until everything was settled with Hanne. She’s been banned from the agency, and he took down the video wherever he could find it, but the damage was already done. All those panic attacks I get, it’s knowing so many people have seen me. It’s me wondering if my sister knows about it, especially with the thousands of people she’s in contact with every day. I couldn’t sleep some nights ‘cause I was afraid I'd wake up to find everything was gone and I’d have to fend for myself.”  
  
“You didn’t deserve that, nobody ever deserves to go through what you did just because a client couldn’t follow the rules. This wasn’t your fault, Harry. You were only doing your job.”  
  
“A job I’m going back to soon enough once Bressie gives me the green light. But until that happens, I'm back to Mount Soldati as a helper,” he clarifies. Harry bites the inside of his cheek, suddenly nervous when he tells Niall, “I know I sell my body. And I know I’m paid thousands of dollars by lonely housewives to fulfill their fantasies, but everything that happened between us—I never had to pretend to make you feel good. And ever since Klint & Pivos, we said nothing changed, but—”  
  
“I know,” Niall calmly cuts in. “But we still let it happen. And if you asked me to come away with you now, that’s where I’d want us to be.”  
  
Harry’s eyes light up and he cups Niall’s face, pulling her in for a kiss. He makes her feel like he did before he left, worthy and wanted all over again. The way Harry kisses Niall so tenderly leaves her feeling weak, the touch of his tongue against hers pulling him closer to feel the warmth of his body. She kisses him the way she did in Klint & Pivos, feels him hold her closer, the combined pulse of their hearts beating in time with each other.  
  
“Come with me to the mansion, just for a few days,” Harry pleads, eyes closed and desperate. “Please, Niall.”  
  
She waits until Harry opens his eyes, looks at his longing expression. His plea isn’t a favor nor is it a request. Harry owes her no debt and she won’t stop him from doing what he does. But she knows Harry still needs her as much as he did all those months ago, knows the consequences for letting their situation get this far. And at this point, it’s too late for either of them to turn back now.  
  
“What will Bressie say if he finds out? All I wanted was a good time for my last date with you.”  
  
Harry laughs, curls his lip into a smile. “What will my sister say if she finds out? She thinks I work a catering job and can’t shut up about you.”  
  
“How did I let you get me into this mess?” she asks with a sigh. She walks to the railing of the balcony, carefully leans against it and looks out towards the city skyline. Harry stands beside her and holds his hand out for her to take. “Would you have done this for anyone else?”  
  
“Just you, Miss Niall. Always you.”  
  
Niall finally takes Harry's hand, holding on tight as she breathes in the cool night air. “Save a place for me in Mount Soldati.”  
  
A relieved grin spreads across Harry’s face. “I'll be waiting.”  
  
*  
  
The End


End file.
